“Why do you always have to drive?” asked my father as I packed a small bag and gathered my things.

“They all have pickup trucks, Dad,” I quickly answered. “Except for Elkin of course…but his car is so full of trash, he has trouble fitting in there himself…let alone four passengers. One time he accused one of us of stealing a twenty-dollar bill from the garbage heap in his front seat. I’m pretty sure he just sat on it and it ended up stickin’ to his butt when he got out of his car.”

“Yeah…I know!” chuckled my dad. “It’s just sometimes I feel like they take advantage of you. Like they’re just using you for your car. Do they ever pay you for gas?”

I sat down on the bar stool next to the staircase and thought to myself. “Is that really what my friends think of me? If they are just using me, than they would be reluctant to pay for gas…or invite me to come along if I wasn’t driving them around. It just wasn’t true. My friends invited me along even when I wasn’t driving, right? They paid for gas, right? Small fragments of doubt regarding the integrity and devotion of my friends began to infiltrate my mind. Finally, I answered my father’s inquiry out loud, “Sure! They pay for gas…sometimes.”

“Well, make sure that this time happens to be one of those times,” said my father as he finished the conversation and left the room.

“OK! We’ll see.” I said quietly to myself as I finished packing my bag, grabbed my keys, and ran out the door.

Six hours later, five teenagers were crossing the Missouri border. We were on a mission to purchase fireworks for the upcoming 4^th of July festivities. Certain fireworks were illegal in Iowa, so every year, thousands of adventurous Iowans would make their annual pilgrimage to either South Dakota or Missouri to purchase bottle rockets, roman candles, and even some big flowering aerials to dazzle and wow our neighbors and friends.

After an hour of rummaging through the large warehouse of fireworks located 6 feet from the Iowa border, we loaded up my trunk, smuggled our illegal contraband back across the border, and started our trek back to Webster City. An hour later, I obeyed my father as well as instigated a small test to determine my friends’ devotion and integrity.

“Hey Guys, could I have some money for gas?”

My friends snickered and some of them started to hand over some cash. Some didn’t.

“You always gotta have the money, don’t you Lugt?” Elkin asked from the back seat—nudging Stroner because he was trying to get a rise out of me. You see, I’ve always been a little parsimonious—financially prudent. My friends would say I was stingy, miserly, tight…and they LOVED to make fun of me. This happened to be one of those occasions. However, my father had planted a seed of doubt in the back of my mind, and now—unbeknownst to Elkin—I was putting him to the test.

My anger escalated. Elkin continued to withhold his contribution and continued to laugh at his little joke from the back seat. I opened the window, and yelled at the top of my lungs, “IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!” and threw the cash I had received from my other friends out the window. My friend, Rease—who is far more stingy and tight with his money than I was—starred at the blowing money from the back window of my car with a painful look of bereavement and sorrow.

It truly wasn’t about the money…and I believe I made that point obvious. I wanted to know what was in their hearts. I wanted to know if they were my friends…my devoted friends.

While wandering through the desert, it didn’t take long for the Israelites to go from complaining about being thirsty to complaining about being hungry, and then back to complaining about being thirsty. The Israelites complained, grumbled, and whined over and over and over again. On the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt, God answered their complaints and said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them” (Exodus 16:4).

Manna from heaven was not about the bread. In Deuteronomy, Moses explains why God gave the people manna:

“Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.”

—Deuteronomy 8:2-3

It wasn’t about the bread. The primary purpose for manna wasn’t to feed the Israelites “physically,” it was to test their devotion and integrity—to know what was in their hearts and to teach them a spiritual truth.

Do I take advantage of God?

Do I use God for what He can offer me rather than love Him solely because He is who He is?

How devoted am I to God?

Jesus Christ proved His devotion to His calling and His Father in heaven when He was tempted in the wilderness. When tempted by the devil to turn stones into bread, Jesus quoted that very passage in Deuteronomy that provides the reason for manna in the wilderness:

“It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

—Matthew 4:4

Jesus is back on the other side of the Jordan. He’s in the same desert as that of the Israelites 1500 years earlier. He’s being tested and tempted in the same way the Israelites were tested and tempted. Jesus knows that it’s not about the bread. It’s about so much more than the bread. Jesus knows that this test is about His devotion to God, His devotion to His purpose, and His integrity as the Messiah who will someday in the near future sacrifice His flesh—the Bread of Life—for the forgiveness and redemption of many.

Over two years after His temptation, Jesus’ followers bring up the manna in the wilderness again asking, “What sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do? Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written: ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat’” (John 6:30-31).

Jesus answered them saying, “Very truly I tell you, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is the bread that comes down from heaven and gives life to the world…I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty (John 6:32-33, 35).

After saying this, Jesus placed one nail in His cross by saying something that caused several of His followers to desert Him because they thought He was propagating cannibalism:

“I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, yet they died. But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which anyone may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”

—John 6:48-51

It’s not about the money…it’s about devotion. It’s not about the bread…it’s about devotion. It’s not about the flesh of Christ…it’s about devotion. Jesus devoted His life to the cross…to His purpose, and He calls us to feast on Him. He calls us to devote our livelihood, our wealth, our families, our reason for survival on Him and on His sacrifice for us…for our redemption…for our eternal life.

“Damn you, Shawn!” yelled my brother from the top of the stairs. I guess I ticked him off. I’m not sure what I did…I was always perfect, you know. Perhaps Chad was just jealous of my perfection. I’m sure that was it.

“I hate you so much!” I yelled back and then proceeded to crawl up on a small ledge above the shower to hide from the world and weep bitterly…or something like that.

Twenty minutes later, my brother peeked into the room that contained the shower (It wasn’t a bathroom really…just a room with a shower).

 “What are you doing up there?” asked Chad.

“Do you really want me to go to Hell, Chad? Is that what you want? Do you want me to go to Hell?”

I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ve always been a little dramatic.

Hindsight—and the Scriptures—have helped me realize that my bitterness and hatred toward my brother that day—and toward others in the days, months, and years to come, is far more damaging to my psyche than my brother’s unauthorized damnation of my soul.

Hatred and bitterness corrupts our hearts and souls as well as the hearts and souls of those around us…and there’s only one cure!

After the Israelites crossed the Red Sea, they wandered around in the desert for three days without finding water. Finally, they came to a place called “Marah,” which means “bitter.” Apparently, the water in Marah was bitter…it was undrinkable. So, of course, the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?” God told Moses to throw a piece of wood in the bitter water. Immediately, when the wood hit the bitter water, it became sweet and drinkable. At this very moment, God instructed the Israelites and promised them saying, “If you listen carefully to the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you” (Exodus 15:22-26).

Our God is Jehovah-Rapha—The LORD, who heals you.

A handful of experiences in my life have left me feeling bitter and filled with resentment. Whomever or whatever caused the infraction, hatred and animosity aimed toward that particular entity coursed through my veins. I didn’t welcome my bitterness with open arms…in fact I hated the bitterness as much as I hated that entity. I truly wanted to be free from the bitter water that consumed my soul.

Bitterness and hatred is contagious as well. It spreads like a virus corrupting and affecting everyone you encounter—and then everyone that individual encounters. The author of Hebrews writes, “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:14-15). The solution to the end of bitterness—the cure to hatred and bitterness—is exactly that: “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God.”

What is that grace?

By the grace of God, we are saved through faith in Christ—in his atoning sacrifice on the cross and in his overcoming death by rising from the grave (Ephesians 2).

Like the wood thrown into the waters of Marah, Jesus upon that wooden cross is the only cure to bitterness.

Jesus upon that wooden cross is what transforms our bitterness and hatred into sweet flowing water.

Jesus upon that wooden cross is what heals us.

Jesus is our Jehovah-Rapha—our Healer!

Jesus is the One who makes the bitter sweet.

I swim several miles a week…and it is dreadfully boring. Sometimes, I swim two miles at once…that’s 64 laps. On those frequent occasions where I lose count, I truly attempt to recall the exact lap to which I completed. When I do so, I’m pretty confident I add a few extra laps to the total. In order to avoid these drastic over-estimations, I’ve developed a few techniques in lap-counting. One technique is to think about as many things that happened in 1901 during my first lap…1902 during my second lap…and so on. That technique just illustrates my inadequacies in 20^th century historical recollection.  Being a biblical scholar, I decided to begin in AD 01. I’m a little better at that one, but even my 1^st century historical recollection is a bit sketchy. My favorite lap-counting technique is to begin when I was five years old and then count the laps until I reach my current age of 37. Every time I breathe, I think about the next month of that year: What happened to me during that month? Did I make any spiritual breakthroughs? Where did I go on vacation? Did I kiss a beautiful girl that month? Things like that. I logically understand that some of the days in my past were good, some were bad, and some were just “MEH!” However, when I reminisce, every day in my past ends up being the best day of my life.

I spend so much time reminiscing while I swim laps I often think to myself, “I’ve had some dang good times. I sure wish I could have those days, months, and years back. How can I even hope for a better future, when my past has been so grand?” As I swim, I begin to miss those days…long for those days…mourn for the loss of those days.

In the most recent episode of 30 Rock, Pete Hornberger—the executive producer and head writer of TGS with Tracy Jordan—said the following about his own life:

“Look at my life Jack, my father was a congressman, I was valedictorian at St. Andrews, an Olympic archer, 4^th guitarist in Loverboy…as a TEENAGER! It’s almost unbelievable. Now look at me. The last two decades have been a free-fall…if I could stay in the same place for the next five years that would be a huge accomplishment.”  

So often, when we gaze into our past, we only consider the good times—we intentionally neglect our painful moments…we push them aside, repress them to where only a skilled therapist could summon them from the depths of our psyche. I don’t want to dance through memory lane and reflect upon getting sucker-punched on the bleachers at a High School football game or having my heart-broken once again. I want to reminisce about my first kiss or the birth of my son.

Even after witnessing some of the most powerful miracles ever displayed; even after fully comprehending the delivering power of God, the Israelites were still tempted to serve Egypt. When the Israelites faced the tumultuous seas of trial, suffering, and difficulties, they still failed to recognize that God had their back.

The Israelites said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” (Exodus 14:11-12).

The Israelites, were still reminiscing about their past lives in Egypt. They had forgotten their suffering and were only thinking about the few good things they had in Egypt. Even though the path that lied before them was frightening and unknown, God had great things planned for their future. On the other side of suffering and death lied freedom, redemption, and life. God set the pillar of fire and pillar of cloud behind the Israelites…so it was pitch black behind them and light before them. “Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left” (Exodus 14:21-22).

The Israelites needed to die to their old selves…they needed to put the darkness of slavery and the “protection” of their former lord—Egypt—to death. They needed to walk toward the light of God—the cloud that guided them—and be baptized in the Red Sea:

“For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers and sisters, that our ancestors were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea.”

—1 Corinthians 1:1-2

Today’s Good Friday…the day we remember the suffering and death of Jesus. Today we also take up our crosses and follow Jesus down the Via Dolorosa. The path to our cross is frightening. There are high walls of water on both sides and we wonder if—or when—those walls will come crashing down on top of us. We walk through our valleys of the shadow of death and we fear evil…we wonder why we left the comforts of our former life…the beaches where our captor still stands waiting to pursue us. Soon we will hang on our crosses of suffering with our Lord. By accepting Jesus, we die to ourselves…our pasts…our former lives—no matter how appealing they may SEEM.

Friday is not the final day! The cross is not the end! Thank God! This Sunday we will rise up again with our Lord. By dying to our old self—leaving our past in the past and stop reminiscing about how “great” it was…or “ideal” our situation happened to be—we embrace the light and walk upon His path that lies before us. Quite often, that path leads us through dark, trying, and turbulent waters, but God promises us redemption on the other side. When we pass through the Red Sea we’ll find our way to the other side. When we’re baptized in Christ’s death, we WILL rise to new life in His resurrection.

“We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.”

—Romans 6:2-10